Fairly Twisted Tales


Poetry | Fairly Twisted Tales, It Begins | The Fisherman and His Wife | The Real Sleeping Beauty | The Bremen Town Musicians | Hansel and Gretel | The Boy Who Cried (Insert Word Here) | Cinderella | Rapunzel | Aftermath | Aftermath Answers
Hansel and Gretel

Once upon a time there lived a poor woodcutter and his two children, Hansel and Gretel. The kindly woodcutter's wife had passed away several years ago and he wanted his children to have a mother so he decided to re-marry. He chose poorly. His new wife hated the children and quickly devised a plan to get rid of them. After much evil-stepmother-style nagging she got her new husband to agree to her plan. Together they took the children out into the middle of the woods and left them there to "bond with nature" (they were hippies). After only a few hours Hansel and Gretel grew bored and wanted to return home. But the Hansel in this story was somewhat of an idiot and didnt suspect that his new stepmother secretly wanted to be rid of him and his sister. In other words, he didn't think to bring a loaf of bread and leave a bredcrumb trail. After a few more hours wandering around they came across a mysterious house made completely out of vegitables. By this time they were both so hungry they could eat a horse-but not a veggie house (hey they were hippies not vegans). They looked around for another food source and when none could be found Hansel turned to his sister and declared, "Oh well. I'm really not THAT hungry anyway."
"Me neither." stated Gretel.
So they continued wandering around with growling stomachs and no idea how to get home.

P.S. Don't worry, they didn't starve to death. Their noisy tummies attracted the attention of the big bad wolf who, following the laws of nature, decided to put the children out of their misery. Yes, that's right, he ate them.